Lost in Transportation #4

From April, 2015

Forget everything I said about the kind hospitality and caring nature of a nation which I now realise is deeply troubled in its social conventions. There I was, minding my own business – sleeping like a baby – when a Japanese man wakes me up, shouting angrily. I was livid. How dare he barge in and think he has the right to tell me what to do? I stood up off the floor of the elevator and left, baffled and fuming.

So it turns out that the night before this incident I had entered a hotel and next thing I know I'm woken up at 11am having been asleep in the sole elevator. How it took until this late in the morning to be awoken suggests that I experienced hours of quite literally being walked all over. A night beginning with a group of ten of us drinking and eating at an izakaya was followed by Joy Division and Radiohead on karaoke – quite a fine evening I think you'll agree. Then came the fatal decision of whether to catch the last train or to prepare yourself for the almost unavoidable. I forced members of our group to resist the urges of the ‘massages’ being advertised on the streets and we headed to a club. Seeing a queue, I asked a  Japanese friend if urinating on the streets discreetly is acceptable and he gestures to ‘go ahead’. Two minutes later I'm buttoning my trousers – holding a 9% can of ‘Strong’ beer which is becoming too quickly associated with me – to speak to three police officers who have specifically driven down the alley to question me. I had gone from being the voice of reason just minutes before to feeling that taking the ‘massage’ may have been the safer option…

We spoke to a DJ outside the club and he got us half price entry – things were looking up again. The music – an unforgettable mix of garage, dubstep, and drum ‘n’ bass – stayed at its impeccable heights throughout the night. We felt it was time to leave when a friend was extremely apologetic to a female for ‘inappropriate touching’...After leaving the hotel in the morning I somehow impressively found my way to the station. However, I managed to fall asleep on all five trains I boarded and ended up out of Tokyo. Before I boarded the first train I did feel uneasy so I took a moment aside on some stairs – and vomited continuously. Looking back, the milk drink probably wasn't a good idea. Embarrassed and feeling unworthy, I stared at my vomit in disgust, threw up some more, and walked away ashamed at what I had done to such a clean and pure country.

My uni friend – commonly known as Rodney in Japan – was given a joyful surprise on his birthday by those closest to him. Approaching what he thought was the end of his party at 3am, we hit the lights and in came singing friends and housemates dressed as ridiculous – but apparently popular – anime characters. With props, bright colours, short shorts for one truly committed individual and a magnificent cake with the birthday boy’s face printed on, this surreal moment was certainly one which will be remembered forever. Even an interesting housemate – who today seemed to have taken a chunk of the living room curtain for his jacket – donned a classic three-eyed yellow and green alien.

After a turbulent week of struggling to decipher any ingredient I stared at, Rodney suggested we go to a vegan restaurant and I appreciated greatly. The food was delightful and I will continue to try to keep the taste lingering until I leave Japan. We then concluded the celebrations at the Park Hyatt hotel, made famous by the brilliant film; Lost in Translation. The view and the ambience was exquisite and we felt very much out of our depth. At ¥2000 (£12) a whiskey and coke we were quite comfortable with just the one drink, but when the price includes the most incredible city view I have ever experienced, it was worth every yen.

My uni friend had previously said that he envied the stereotypical Japanese drunk man who is often found passed out in public places – wishing he could be as carefree in such situations. He was jealous and I felt that – in that moment – I had been somewhat accepted by the society as one of their own. Maybe he’ll think twice next time and see what he could have achieved if he had stayed out past the last train…