Karma Comedian #7

From April/May, 2015

I learned how to ride a bike when I was 13. My incredible mother taught me in a public park in South West London and she did everything to avoid me feeling uncomfortable or embarrassed. As a late learner, I was always very nervous when riding on busy or main roads and over the years I never fully overcame my fears. A one-to-one cycle lesson at the age of 21 did little to boost my confidence. In Japan, it’s almost a necessity to own a bike. The relaxed laws allow cyclists to casually dip between the roads and pavements freely. I decided it was now or never. Although I struggled in the first few seconds, I soon felt fine and rode with a friend for 30 mins each way across town. I didn't know what I was worried about, I mean, it was pretty easy and you never really forget. If only there was an appropriate saying for this moment...

I’ve been fortunate enough to have played football – or futsal – nine times in under four weeks. Despite the overpricing – ¥2000 (£12) for two hours at times – all times were very enjoyable. I was concerned about not playing enough in Tokyo so I'm delighted at the opportunities I have had. The slick astro turf in Shibuya was encaged by a colosseum-type structure which provided an incredible atmosphere at night for a high standard (as well as myself of course). I saw the masses of baseball fans – the nation’s number one sport – pour out of the Meiji Jingu Stadium by our pitch in Shinjuku. The most memorable of these games was indoor in Kachidoki and was more about the social aspect rather than the quality of the football. With this in mind I jumped at the chance to take centre stage. I was in shock. Never before have I been looked at as the source of a team. I realised that this was my chance to flourish but I fell under the pressure of having to carry the team and I crumbled. Think I'll go back to my low expectations and be the little sakana on the big pitch.

Learning about the history of such a fascinating country has given me an extraordinary insight into the struggles the nation has been through. The Edo-Tokyo Museum explained the Edo era between 1603-1868 – almost certainly the most significant period of Japan’s history. Wars, the horrific Great Kanto earthquake and the heavy influence of Western culture amongst other factors have affected the nation considerably since, yet Japan has soared as one of the world’s most economically developed countries. I also wandered through the exceptional Ueno Park and viewed the Tokyo National Museum which – although it had far too much pottery for a former resident of Stoke-on-Trent like myself – it had shiny armour and swords and stuff so that was cool.

I visited the Hokekyoji temple in Chiba and felt extremely content inside the small, yet magnificent, Buddhist place of worship. Later, sat in the Yoyogi Park sunshine in Tokyo, facing the historical Meiji Shrine, I feared for the worst. All was at peace until the attendant had spotted something. Everyone understood not to photograph the inside of the shrine so that couldn't be the problem…He marched more steps than I have fingers and thumbs from one side to the other – with venomous eyes – clearly irate from what he had witnessed. He instructed the mother and her one-year-old child to immediately stand up off a step. Thank goodness he was there or – heaven forbid – everyone might've started sitting down, and who knows what kind of chaos could've ensued.

It has always been a dreaded moment getting a haircut in the UK, so throw in the inability to speak the country’s language and that anxiety was only heightened here. I – to my surprise – took Rodney’s out-of-characteristically helpful advice and used sounds and actions alone to signal what I wanted and the hairdresser seemed to confirm. I held my breath slightly unsure what I had agreed to, knowing only that a man who doesn't understand me holds scissors and razors in the direction of my face. I was told that it is not standard for typical awkward conversation to take part between the customer and hairdresser. I was delighted to hear this as fewer moments are more cringeworthy. That was until this man started asking me questions, and he turned out to be a comical delight. Not only did he cut my hair near-perfectly (I don't even know what perfect would be) for a very reasonable price, he chuckled throughout and used his little English to converse. When I walked in I never thought I would leave with satisfactory hair having shared humorous opinions on Culture Club and Cyndi Lauper...

A delight of a housemate was moving out so a party was held and it was sad to see such a lovely person leave so soon after my arrival. I was soon smiling again when Rodney offered everyone a beer and some accepted gratefully and others graciously declined. One person happily accepted the drink and said ‘yeah sure, but I'm going to bed now’. Rodney and I were dumbstruck, laughing silently, as we couldn't quite believe the thought process and the audacity of this casual response. Up she went to bed – the unopened beer in hand to be saved for another time – and I thought to myself ‘actually, maybe I’ll try that next time’ – if it's a trusty ‘Strong’ that is of course.